A POO song

In the style of Eminem's The Monster featuring Rihanna 

Lyrics and performance by 

Heather Arnett 

courtesy of
Karaoke Version, Tency Music
C3 Labs

Chorus:
I’m friends with my bowel movements outside instead
of having a toilet I’ve shovel in hand
Always ready to dig for my freedom at last
If you think I’m crazy, oughta come with me baby...

Verse #1:
I wanted the trip but not the burden of cleaning
Oh well, guess humans can be lazy
Wanted the view and happy hour with a few peeps
Wanted quiet on the trail and solitary
Wanted the rain but not getting wet, the miles without the sweat
Ego sayin’ I ain’t gonna tell my teammates
When you gotta go, see, tell ‘em for safety
'Cause if you wanna be on your way to bein' the Bruce Lee of dooking
Just think, “only need a couple squares of the TP”
Ooo! Hit the lottery, ooo-wee!
There’s nothin’ like a havin’ a good view for poo
And no one to say “it stink”
Ironic that in dirt that can we be more clean
I’m beginning to have dreams: one feet, two feet
Away from water so my conscious is clear
But I'm actually calmer than you think, 'cause I'm

Chorus:
I’m friends with my bowel movements outside instead
Of having a toilet I’ve shovel in hand
Always ready to dig for my freedom at last
If you think I’m crazy, Oughta come with me baby
To the wilderness (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
To the wilderness (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Verse #2:
Now, there was no good excuse
for leaving camp once they told me I should make time
Dontchu say “forgot to duce”
'Cause you never know when the urge to go comes for you
So you keep holdin' it
Sometimes I wonder where gas and bloating come from
Yeah, ponderin' will solve the myst’ry
No wonder you need to dig, check yo’ dinner hist’ry
Chicken-curry-vin-da-loo!
You take yo diggin’ off trail, next tree
and stumble onto someone else’s catastrophe
'Cause I need a new relationship
Between me and nature and my deposits
And save me and my crew from all this conflict
'Cause a little thing like poo can kill you
if you can't drop it
My IBS is stressin’ me and them, I’m talkin’
Nobody's listen, I keep walkin’
I'm just relayin’ what the backcountry voice is sayin’
You’ll regulate soon, just be friends with your

Chorus:
Just be friends with your bowel movements outside instead
Of having a toilet you’ve shovel in hand
Always ready to dig for your freedom at last
If you think I’m crazy, Oughta come with me baby
To the wilderness (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
To the wilderness (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)

Verse 3:
Call us crazy, for what we’re producin’ pray
One day tech-nology gives us a save-nature solution
But until then, parks get flooded and
We’re pickin’ up trash in tons animals killed
From eatin’ all the people snacks, I sincerely doubt that
Pickin’ up poo will help nature take back all the damage
that each of us rack, turn the clock back
Privatization won’t save the planet
Hawking said that, we need a couple billion
Who are willing to admit our impact
and demand, new ways, to make change, nature is
Firing warning shots at our human ranks
the virus is just the latest, still can
change that, only if we pull back, I will spin
isolation just for this track
Maybe we are afraid of the dark, face facts
It’s our fault for real, are we okay with that?
It's comin', let’s be friends with

Chorus:
Let’s be friends with our bowel movements outside instead
Of having a toilet we’ve shovel in hand
Always ready to dig for our freedom at last
If you think we’re crazy, If you think we’re crazy
Let’s be friends with our bowel movements outside instead
(get along with)
Of having a toilet we’ve shovel in hand
(shovel is in my hand, don’t try to…)
Always ready to dig for our freedom at last
(Save me, this world’s a mess, you think we’re)
If you think we’re crazy, Oughta come with us  baby
To the wilderness (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
To the wilderness (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)